I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
