Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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