Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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