i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
