Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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