I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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