I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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