We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
