everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
