Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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