A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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