best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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