i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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