No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Princesses don't give blow jobs
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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