Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
