I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
