I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
