i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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