so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
