Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
