So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
