So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
