omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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