I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
