just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Your penis caused this!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
