remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Ketchup is God's man juice
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
