Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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