It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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