Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
