You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I believe in your delicious
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
