Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
