textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
