I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
