i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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