no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
