Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
