watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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