While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
