I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
