remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Alive.
So much puke
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
