I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
These tits shall not be calmed
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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