I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
