So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
