I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Actions speak louder than pants.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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