Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
