I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
