Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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