Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
