I saw his package. It spoke to me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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