Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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