What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
pray to the hookup gods
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
