She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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